Let Me Love You Again
Chapter 45

Maya

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jess enter in the house. I turned to Nate and left a light k**s on his neck.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” I told him before I followed Jess into the house.

Nate nodded and looked at Axel laughing happily in Devon’s arms.

I walked quickly into the house and then up the stairs to Jess’s room.

When I was a little girl, I spent a lot of time in this house, Jess and I would go to my room and play to princess, to fighter. We ran from one side of the house to the other, always driving Mrs Sheppar crazy. At night we would build a tent with sheets and read books with a torch, creating a magical atmosphere.

How many times had I watched Nate walk home? How many times I had watched him sneaking around doing something, imagining him coming up to me and kissing me like one of the thousand fairy tales that Jess and I read.

I shook my head and climbed the last steps, then headed for Jess’s room. I went in without knocking, I didn’t want to give her a chance to lock herself in. Jess would listen to me today, yes or yes. I didn’t care about anything else. I would have made the situation clear and we would have moved on.

I went into the room but Jess wasn’t there, the bathroom was noisy, so I closed the door and approached her bed. I took off my shoes and sat in the middle, crossing my legs and looking at the bathroom door that opened after a few minutes.

Jess looked down at me and froze with the door handle still in her hand.

“Maya,” she said

“Jess” I answered.

Jess had a pale face, reddened eyes, she wasn’t well, I could feel it from her position, the way her shoulders were low.

I frowned as she closed the bathroom door and walked to the bedroom door to get out.

“Don’t bother, it’s locked,” I lied.

Jess sighed and turned to me, “What do you want May,” she said with a string of her voice.

“What’s going on with you, Jess? It can’t be just me and Nate, there’s something else going on,” I said, looking into her eyes.

She shook her head and sat on the bed with her back on me and arms crossed against her chest.

“Why are you doing this? Why are you so stubborn against me? Can’t you just be happy for me?”

“Happy? Happy that when he gets tired you will disappear like all the others?” she replied.

“Do you think so little of me? Do you really think I would let my issues with Nate get in the way of our friendship?”

“You already have,” Jess replied.

“I already told you it wasn’t for Nate! How many times will I have to tell you? I didn’t leave for him! I had to start college! It was all a hurricane after and I didn’t have time to think about anything!”

“I’m not nothing, Maya!” she turned and looked me in the eye, “I was your best friend and you left. You just disappeared overnight and I didn’t hear from you anymore! Do you know what I felt in those moments? You know what I thought? I thought I did something wrong! That it was my fault! That I had neglected you and you didn’t love me anymore! You were always like a sister and you left” her voice cracked and her eyes became shiny.

I didn’t think Jess was thinking about it again. I didn’t think she’d suffered so much. In my mind I had not given so much weight to it because I was focused on something else, I could never have enough time to send her a message, or I didn’t want to find it. I was completely carried away by that new life, and I never thought I’d hurt Jess.

“Jess I’m sorry, I… You’re my best friend, you’re like a sister, and I was a b***h to leave, but I swear to Axel, it’s never gonna happen again. I saw what life would be like without you and it’s pretty boring, I don’t want you out of my life, I need you” I approached her.

“You weren’t there, May, no one was there for me when…” tears began to flow down her cheeks.

It couldn’t have been just the thing with Nate, something was bothering her, something that made her suffer more than anything.

“Please talk to me,” I said, wiping a tear with my thumb.

At that moment the door opened wide and Lucas appeared on the doorstep, “I hope you didn’t get into a fistfight,” he said before staring at Jess and staring out.

“You said it was locked,” Jess said, her voice cracked with tears.

“f**k May! You had to make her cry?!” Lucas said, rushing to Jess and kneeling before her.

“I didn’t do it,” I tried to defend myself.

Jess shook her head and pulled up with her nose “It’s not for her,” she said before that her l*p began to shake and tears began to flow again.

“Please, Jess, tell me what’s wrong. Was it Andrew? Is there a problem with him? Do you want us to hit him?” I offered.

Jess shook her head and looked at me. The emerald green eyes that were usually cheerful were reddened and concealed within them an absolute sadness. I moved a few strands of blond hair behind her ear as Lucas stroked her thigh.

Jess breathed deeply, as if mentally preparing for what she was about to say, “I’m pregnant,” she said.

Lucas and I froze and looked each other in the eye, and before we could say anything, Jess continued, “For the sixth time,” she said in a trembling voice and closed her eyes.

I frowned and watched Lucas as I began to caress her back, trying to calm her down.

“I’m just waiting for this one to go wrong too, just like the previous five went wrong,” she started crying desperately.

She laid her head on my shoulder and cried, cried, cried.

“I never told anyone,” she admitted, “When I got pregnant the first time it was my senior year in college, Andrew and I had decided to wait to tell everyone. I was so happy that I had put in the a****n cart everything that could serve my child. On the first ultrasound there was no problem, the gynecologist said that everything was fine even if we did not hear the heartbeat, she said that it was normal. Then I arrived at the tenth week and in the middle of the night I woke up in atrocious pain and in a pool of b***d. At the hospital they told me that it was normal in the first months and that the body only eliminated fetuses that would not survive. I was sick for days, but I got over it, with Andrew, I could get over it, and I knew we’d have our family eventually. Then came the second pregnancy, this time I was more careful, followed proper nutrition, took vitamins but did not go. I lost him again” Jess was sobbing and I didn’t know what to do to comfort her, I didn’t know how to behave.

I stroked her hair, hoping to calm her down, while Lucas was about to cry in front of me.

“And so it was with the third. After the fourth I lost all hope, I did any kind of assessment but there was nothing wrong with my body, much less with Andrew, I could get pregnant easily, but there was no explanation why I could not actually carry it out. At the end of the first trimester I always ended up losing them” Jess pulled up with his nose again “Before the wedding Andrew and I were considering a solution to avoid getting pregnant again, I would not be able to stand another, Andrew had to do a vasectomy but, before leaving for the honeymoon I noticed that I was late, and the test was positive. I waited to get back from the honeymoon to tell Andrew, to get him ready again. I don’t know if I can take it again,” she said, heartbroken.

Lucas started crying while I pushed back the tears. Jess had always been the strongest person I had ever known in my life, seeing her so fragile hurt my heart, knowing that for her there had been no one, who had faced everything alone made me want to hit my head against the wall until I hurt myself.

“Jess listen to me,” I said taking her face, “You’re the strongest person I know, okay? Whatever happens from now on, I’ll deal with you, okay? I’ll never leave you alone. I can’t assure you that it won’t happen again, but I can assure you that you will never be alone. You’ll always have me,” I said, wiping her tears and looking into her green eyes, reddened with tears.

“I’ll always be there. You’ll never get rid of me, and I wish you had talked to me about it before, you shouldn’t have to go through it alone, okay? Whatever happens, I’ll always be with you,” Lucas said, putting his hand on her other cheek.

“I just have to get ready for the next abortion, I’m… I’m fine, I’m under no illusions, not anymore,” Jess said in all honesty.

“Whatever will be, I’ll be with you, okay? Now stop crying and ruin those pretty green eyes of yours. It’ll be okay,” I said, hugging her.

Jess picked up her nose and wiped her face as she let herself be hugged, “Sorry if I was a b***h,” she said.

“Never mind, I was a b***h too”

“One of the things I didn’t want to see was my brother’s a*s and your t**s, b***h, how can you have such nice t**s?” said Jess, letting out a laugh.

And I shook my head and I looked at her, “You’re a mess, you’ve got all the makeup poured,” and I put my finger under her eye and tried to clean it up.

“Watch May’s hands on your face, you might get a black eye,” Lucas said.

“Lucas! I told you not to talk about it!”

“What? You keep secrets from me?” Jess said, standing straight.

“Last night May May beat up an old f**k of Nate in an alley, Nate had to pick her up to avoid Maya sending her to the hospital!” said Lucas, laughing.

“May! When did you become so violent?” Jess said in shock.

“I’m not violent! And you” pointed your finger at Lucas, “Stop making me look like one! That slut had left him her phone number and she called me a cuckold! What should I have done? Thank her?! I made her eat the f*****g number so next time she’ll think twice before hitting on my boyfriend!”

“You don’t have to talk at all, Lucas, you sulk at your boyfriend for a reason like that,” Jess said, putting her hand under her eyes, trying to make up for the disaster that had befallen her.

“At least I didn’t hit anyone,” Lucas complained.

“Oh, shut up,” I turned to Jess, who was try to clean her face, “Don’t touch, I’ll get some paper to clean you,” and I got out of bed, and I went to the bathroom, when I heard the bedroom door opening and Nate’s voice booming.