Let Me Love You Again
Chapter 44

Jess

I came out of the bathroom of my old room at my parents’ house while I was straightening my hair on my shoulders. I stopped in the mirror and looked at my reflection. The face that gave back my gaze didn’t even look like mine. That night I had not slept, I had spent hours turning over the covers for fear of waking up with atrocious pains.

I was terrified. I was terrified for weeks, and I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. Admitting it would have made it real, and if it had become real, more danger there would have been once it had gone wrong, again.

I sighed and passed some concealer over my dark circles. Once I was settled in, I came out of my old room and then I was standing in front of my beautiful man who was watching me with his blue eyes.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it and looked back at him.

“Are you okay?” he asked carefully.

Lately, when he was dealing with me, Andrew was much more delicate and attentive, he knew that anything would set me off like a spring. I felt terrible about treating him bad sometimes, but I couldn’t control myself anymore, the hormones and the fear were all over me.

I nodded and sighed.

“You should try talking to your mother,” he began to say.

“Please, Andrew, I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.

“We have to talk about it, what the f**k Jess” he took two steps forward and squeezed me in his arms while I put my head on his chest “Can’t you always think negatively, if it was okay this time?”

I squeezed my lips to avoid crying and shook my head.

“Jess, I’m begging you”

“Can we not talk about this? In a few weeks’ time this will also go away and we can go back to the way we were,” I said, lifting my head.

Andrew squeezed his lips into a line and put a hand on my cheek, caressing it with his thumb gently.

“I love you,” he said, looking me right in the eye.

Andrew’s sweet, loving look made me think that we were gonna get through this together, and it was the first two times, I was convinced that we were gonna make it together, and when the third chance came, I was scared, but I knew I’d get over it with him. But then the possibility disappeared, as did all the others. After the fourth, I didn’t expect anything anymore and when it happened again, I didn’t feel anything. No more pain or suffering.

I just felt unfit.

I sighed and looked at the man in front of me, the man who loved me more than anything in the world, the love of my life.

I pushed myself on the toes and kissed him. I needed him as much as I needed oxygen to breathe. Andrew surrounded my pelvis with his arms and immediately reciprocated my k**s, with passion and love.

“I love you too,” I said when we separated from each other.

He put his forehead to mine and looked at me with his blue eyes so full of love. Then he smiled at me that made my legs tremble, as if I were a little girl and I saw him the first time and a little bit like that with him.

Every day was like the first, like the first time I kissed him, drunk in a hot tub driven by an impulse that I had been trying to control for a whole year.

“Now let’s go outside, the guests are about to arrive,” he laid a gentle k**s on my forehead and took my hand.

Together we went down the stairs and went into the garden where the guests were beginning to arrive.

******

Andrew handed me a glass of juice while we both stood under the gazebo. We watched the guests come and greet the birthday man as he strutted in his fifties.

Andrew surrounded my pelvis with one arm while I leaned against him.

Lucas and Devon came out of the yard. My friend was walking at a fast pace while his boyfriend was following him shaking his head and with his hands in his pocket. They probably had another fight as usual, I was surprised that it was the day after Valentine’s Day.

Lucas saw me and sent me a k**s before heading over to my father and wishing him well. After saying goodbye to both my parents, he walked over to me and hugged me, and had to split up with Andrew who had no intention of breaking up with me.

I saw Devon standing in front of us and nodding at me.

“Do you think all this heat is normal?” Lucas chirped.

“Why don’t we go get a drink?” Devon asked.

Lucas glared at him and then turned away, completely ignoring him. Devon rolled his eyes and snorted.

“Is that normal?!” Devon said to us.

I leaned my head on Andrew’s shoulder and looked at the two. “No, if I don’t know what it is”, I replayed caressing my husband’s hand resting on my side.

“Last night, we went to a club and had trouble if we do not meet someone who has not seen my naked boyfriend! And who do you think it was?!” Lucas said, “Ralf! You know? What kind of name is Ralf!” he said exasperated.

I looked at him frowning, not understanding.

“Do you know what he did? You think the gentleman here ignored his ex? No! He hugged him, as if nothing had happened! As if he wasn’t ruining the lovers’ party, a party he should spend with me!” Lucas was upset.

I laughed and hid my face in Andrew’s chest to avoid altering Lucas even more.

“What was I supposed to do?!” Devon said, “Spit in his face and say no, I can’t talk to you because my boyfriend won’t?”

“Exactly!” Lucas shouted.

“It’s not that bad, it’s called education,” Andrew replied.

I suddenly turned to him and looked at him frowning, he didn’t really say “What does that mean?” I hissed.

“It means he can’t stop talking to any man on earth just because someone might have f****d him,” my husband replied.

“See!” replied Devon.

I elbowed Andrew right in the stomach and made him gasp, “Is that it? Say hello to all the bitches you f****d?” I hissed in his face.

“Not that the list is long,” he replied, holding his hand over his abdomen. I moved to give him another elbow, but he stepped back and raised his hands “But I would never allow myself to do anything that would hurt you, if you want me to stop talking to any female beings then I will. All for my queen,” he added, half-bowing.

I grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him to me, catching his lips with mine. Andrew immediately responded to my k**s with the same passion, sticking my fingers in my hair while I clung to him, feeling a low-belly quiver.

God, how I was driven crazy by this man, I wanted to rip his clothes off at that moment and make it mine right now, here in front of everyone.

“You want me to take you to your room,” he whispered in my ear in a hoarse voice.

I made a sound that sounded more like a cat in heat and then rubbed against him.

“Why can’t you do what Andrew did?” Lucas heard Lucas say before turning in heels and walking to the table with drinks.

Devon followed him immediately as I continued to rub against Andrew and he made me promises that he would keep in the bedroom, or against the entrance wall, depended on which we would get to first.

I looked at the courtyard again and saw Maya coming.

She immediately stiffened me as I watched her, in her blue dress, brown hair was pulled partly into a ponytail, while others were left in soft waves on her back. She had a poshette in her hands and seemed to be alone, until she turned around and my brother’s w***e appeared behind her.

Nate was wearing a white shirt and dark jeans, looking as relaxed and happy as I’d ever seen him before. I frowned as I watched him walk through the garden pushing the stroller.

They both approached our parents and greeted them. Nate held one hand on Maya’s lower back while holding the stroller with the other.

At that moment they were standing on their backs to us and talking to mom and dad. I could see Axel in the stroller clapping his hands cheerfully in his suit while keeping his eyes on my brother.

Seeing that sweet face, my heart tightened and I moved my gaze, finding that of Maya pointed at me. She gave me a faint smile and I turned around. I could bear one loss at a time, not all at once, and I was trying to prepare for my loss that would happen in a few weeks.

I watched the other guests fill the garden until I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned and found my mother looking at me with sweet eyes. She seemed to read all the thoughts and sufferings that plagued me in recent times.

Mom moved a strand of hair behind my ear and looked closely at me.

“Don’t you think you’ve been going on too long?” he asked softly.

You sighed and shook your head, “It’s not like that, I can’t stand losing someone else, I can’t stand it,” I admitted.

“You’ll lose them both if you keep acting like this. What are you afraid of, Jess? Why are you doing this, can’t you just be happy for them and let them share their happiness with you? Look,” he said, turning and pointing at Maya and Nate.

They both stood next to Lucas and Devon, who held Axel and made him laugh. Maya’s eyes were on her son while Nate’s were on Maya.

“Do you really believe that your brother would ever intentionally hurt her? Don’t you see how he looks at her?” my mother continued.

I watched Nate watch Maya enchanted as she spoke quietly without even noticing my brother’s eyes on her. Nate looked at Maya the way my father always looked at my mother, the way Andrew looked at me. Like a boiled fish.

“It’s not for this, mother,” I said in pain.

Andrew stood behind me and hugged me, resting his chin on my head.

“Make it clear before it’s too late,” my mother said before she left.

I looked back at my brother and my best friend. Now Maya was leaning against Nate and looking at him, as he talked to Lucas with his arm around her h**s. Maya looked at him with adoration and love.

Nate looked down at her and smiled, looking in love, before leaning over her and giving her a gentle k**s on the lips.

I sighed and froze from Andrew’s embrace.

“I need the bathroom again,” I said as I returned inside.