Shackled (The Lord Series) by Carlos
365. Olivia - Fear II

Upon seeing me, he quickly stands. "Olivia." He sounds hoarse. In other circumstances, I would have cared about his well-being, but all I can think about is that a baby is growing in my belly, a baby that he put inside me. "Don't," I warn him that I don't want him anywhere near me. Mose's shoulders slump forward. "How?" is all I want to know.

"Cocoa. Dd-vine po-pp-power," he struggles to explain. "M-mmade yyo-you w-well."

It takes me several moments to remember the night we had hot cocoa together. I trusted him so much, and he betrayed me in the worst way possible.

I feel so... violated.

He modified my body without consulting me first.

"You mean...you used your divine powers to give me tubes?" Mose nods, letting me know I got it right. "I can get pregnant...again?"

"Yes," Mose rasps.

Anger surges through my veins. "How fucking dare you make decisions that affect me!? I fucking loved you with all my heart, I opened myself to you body and soul, and this is how you repay me? By knocking me up with a bastard that I never wanted in the first place? God only knows what...else you did to me." I wanted to say another thing entirely, but he's not worth it. "I wish Mose, the real Mose, would return. He would have never done something like this to me."

Mose presses his lips together, and I go to the room that was supposed to be for the child we were supposed to adopt somewhere in the future, but not now, when I'm still not ready.

Rueben spent about a week taking down the nursery and putting it back together in the cabin. When the others offered to help him, he refused, saying it was his responsibility to prepare the Lair for our family. The nursery is like being pulled out of my dreams. It's everything I would have wanted for Spencer or the child we would have eventually adopted in the next few years.

I close the door behind me and walk up to the crib, where I fall to my knees, bury my face in my hands, and start to cry. My whole body shakes. In other circumstances, I would have been ecstatic to be pregnant, but not when my body is so fucking weak. I can't fail another baby.

My arms wrap around my stomach, trying to protect the little life growing inside me. I might want an abortion for selfish reasons, but I can't help but start loving the baby.

What am I going to do now? How will I survive the following months?

I want to protect him or her while promising that everything will be alright and that I'm here, but that would be lying. Tears keep streaming from my eyes. I feel like I can't breathe, that I'll never truly be happy no matter what I do.

The door opens and quickly shuts. I don't need to look to know it is Ansel who entered. He picks me up from the floor and sits in the armchair with me on his lap. I bury my face in the crook of his neck, sobbing against his skin. His hand wraps around my nape, his thumb draws circles on my skin.

"I hate seeing you like this," he says.

"Then help me."

I don't need to explain what I want, because I have made my wishes clear more than once.

"Is it so terrible to be pregnant with our child?" Ansel wonders.

For a moment, I contemplate saying how much I hate the baby, that I was much happier when I could not get pregnant naturally, but I would be lying.

"You wouldn't understand," I sob.

"Perhaps. But what I do understand is that you deserve happiness. You deserve a warm home and five men willing to do everything for you. More than anything, you deserve a loving family, children included."

I lift my head. Ansel gently cleans my face with the hem of his T-shirt. "We could adopt, just like we planned."

Ansel still doesn't get it. "Give me one good reason why you want to abort the baby, and I swear I'll help you."

I chew my bottom lip, knowing no matter what I say, no one will understand. "I can't." It's the only explanation I can give.

Ansel is quiet for several minutes, probably thinking about how to convince me to keep the baby. The truth is that no matter what everyone around me says, I won't change my mind.

"I've observed you for a long time. I'd like to think that I know you better than anyone, even Tyson. The intensity with which you love someone makes me believe that you not only want the baby but that you already love him. I know you are scared, it is only natural to feel like this after everything you went through. Some traumas and scars never fade away." He has no idea how right he is about this. "It is also normal to mourn someone's death for many years, even for a lifetime. Queen Victoria never got past her husband's death. But you are not her, and life gave you another chance to be happy. It is up to you if you take it or not, but if you tell me with all sincerity that you hate the baby and you never want to have children, I will support you. We both know that is not the case because you are the one who mentioned adoption in the first place."

I hate that he is so right. "I want to be happy, but being pregnant will only make me miserable."

"What do you need from us to feel safe?" Before I reply, he adds, "Blow up the entire city and then move to some remote place where no one will ever find us?"

I shake my head before finally deciding to tell him the truth. "It's because of me. I failed Spencer, and it will happen again with this baby."

Ansel frowns. "I don't understand."

"I went into labor prematurely. Spencer didn't make it because my body couldn't carry him full term. What if the same happens with this baby?"

"It won't," Ansel says, "and even if it does, it will be different. We will go to Hell and back if it's for you and the baby's protection."

I desperately want to believe him because I don't think I can kill the baby or let anyone else harm him. It's been a while since I've been so conflicted. "What happens when the Blight reaches us? I am supposed to fight for humanity. If I'm pregnant, how will I do that?" Ansel keeps stroking my skin with his thumb. "The Apocalypse can be years away, or we can be attacked by Nephilims tomorrow. Regardless of what the future will bring, you have five mates. You are not alone."

You are not alone.

Ansel is right.

I don't know why I had never realized this until now. While I accepted them as mine, I still plan things as if I were alone in the world.

I am not alone.

I have five amazing men who are my bondeds.

I have a group of women that always have my back.

I have friends and allies.

And more importantly, I have my darkness.

"Life is too short to have regrets," Ansel reminds me of my motto.

I inhale deeply. "While I haven't changed my mind about the pregnancy, I will think about it and not make rash decisions."

Ansel smiles. "Good." He kisses my forehead. "I love you, Honey, so very much. And," his palm rests on my stomach, "I already love the little one growing inside you."

I lean my head on his shoulder. "I'm scared."

"Me too," he confesses.

We sit silently until the door opens, and Mose enters, grinning from ear to ear.

Didn't he hear me when I told him that I wanted him to stay away from me?

"Beautiful, I'm back. Your wish came true," Mose says.

**Hi all. I am finally feeling better. I am already working on the next update. Also, I am thinking of a small novella between Bought and Trapped. I will have more details once Bought is finished - I am sure many will love the novella - it will probably be shorter than Angel's honeymoon story. I will updated again a day**