Shackled (The Lord Series) by Carlos
364. Olivia - Fear I

*You are pregnant.*

My pulse roars in my ears.

*You are pregnant.*

My stomach turns to knots.

*You. Are. Pregnant.*

My head spins.

The doctor makes no sense. How can I be pregnant? "You have to be mistaken," I say when he doesn't answer my initial question.

I only came to the hospital because the guys forced me. I tried to explain that it's only a stupid cold and I'd stop coughing once I get better, but they refused to listen. Jasper even insisted I was having another case of pneumonia. When my chest started hurting, Jasper was even more convinced he was right.

When I mentioned to the doctor that not only my chest bothered me, but also my stomach, he decided to perform an ultrasound. It was then that I asked if my men could be present because if something was seriously wrong with me, I wanted them to be with me to support me.

My men stand close to the bed I'm on, looking just as confused as I am except Mose. He looks composed, with a subtle hint of happiness.

"Look at the monitor," the doctor says. "Judging from the size of the fetus, I would say you are about three months long."

I only do as he asks because I know it's impossible for me to have a baby. My gaze falls on the tiny shape on the monitor. There's no doubt that a new life is growing inside me. Tears prickle my eyes. How is this possible? What am I going to do when my body rejects the baby? When I hold his tiny body in my arms and watch him slowly die, I will die at the same time as him.

Blood rushes to my ears. I refuse to live the same trauma twice.

The doctor says something, but I can't hear him because I'm too busy trying to figure out how it is possible. Yet, nothing comes to mind, no matter how hard I try to think. For years, no matter how many times men used me, I never got pregnant, clear evidence that the Bitch did remove my tubes. A few months with my men and boom, baby on board. It's not like they have magical sperm.

I can't stop staring at the little blob already shaped like a baby. He moves but is too small for me to feel him. My stomach is flat, the only sign of my pregnancy is my heavy breasts. I don't even have morning sickness. No wonder I didn't realize it earlier.

All I can think about is Spencer and how I would place my hands on my stomach each time he moved. What a joyous time that was, not like now, when... I can't go through the same suffering.

My chest hurts. Not only my chest but my entire body.

I am pregnant. But I don't want the baby. I can't.

I start to cough again.

The doctor finishes the ultrasound and wipes the gel from my abdomen. He ignores the scars on my body-thank fuck, because I don't have the energy to make up some lie about what happened to me. At least the word whore carved on my abdomen by my father has mostly faded away, due to my darkness. "We will get the other test results soon, and then we will know why you are coughing so much."

Tyson is the first to snap out of the initial shock. "Is the baby...healthy?"

The doctor glances at him. "Are you the father?"

It is Mose who says, "Mine."

My ears ring again. I feel like vomiting, screaming, crying, and killing someone at the same time. What did Mose do to me? How was he able to get me pregnant? Did he do it on purpose? The doctor starts to explain, "The baby-"

I start to cry. "Take it out." Everyone looks at me. The bond with Mose vibrates with pain. "I want an abortion. I can't..." I choke on my words. Spencer's little body appears in front of my eyes once more. All the anguish, all the desperation, all the sorrow I felt back then returns in full force, burying me under a mountain of grief. "Please. I can't." The bonds between all of us hurt. They can't possibly want this baby knowing what I went through, knowing that the only thing that kept me sane was the drugs Carlos or Jason had given me. Not that they drugged me out of the goodness of their hearts, but because they wanted me docile while terrible things were done to me.

"It will be alright," Tyson tries to reassure me, but no one can. Not while my father and Jason are out there. Not when Azael is my mortal enemy. "We'll never let anyone hurt you again." But it is them who are hurting me by wanting this baby. My darkness tries to calm me down, but I can't, not when my own body betrayed me again.

"Olivia," Mose tries to soothe my fear but I don't want to see him right now.

"Get it out!" I yell before I start coughing again. Mose tries to offer me a water bottle, but I knock it out of his hand. "Don't come near me!"

The doctor calls out for a nurse.

I need to get out of here.

Tyson and Jasper would never hurt a baby, especially an unborn one. While Rueben has a bad temper, I don't think he would help me either. I rip off the hospital bracelet and get out of bed. "Ansel, take me out of here."

"We will talk about this when you calm down," Ansel tells me.

I start to cry hysterically. "Fuck you all then! I don't need permission from anyone to leave the hospital or to get an abortion."

"Miss Deymar-" the doctor calls me, and I give him a death glare.

"Don't call me that," I snap at him.

A nurse appears and she prepares a syringe. I know what will happen next-they are going to sedate me and send me to the psychiatric ward, but I don't belong there just because I don't want a baby that was forced on me. What the fuck was Mose thinking when he got me pregnant? That I'd be happy and want to play family with him?

"What are you doing with that?" Rueben snarls when he sees the nurse approaching me.

Maybe I should have asked Rueben for help. "Rueben, please." I reach out my hands for him. Between tears, I can tell he's conflicted about what to do.

"It's just a sedative. It won't affect the pregnancy," the doctor explains. But I want it to affect the pregnancy as I don't want this baby. Why is no one listening to me?

"I want an abortion!" I let out a last desperate cry, but no one helps me. The nurse and the doctor grab my arms. Can't they see I'm not fighting them? I feel a sharp pain in my upper arm. It takes only seconds for the sedative to take effect. Before my eyelids close, I stare at Mose. "Why?" I ask before I pass out.

****

Tyson opens the passenger door for me. "We are home," he says like I don't know it and holds out his hand, wanting to help me get out of the car, but I don't need his help. I don't need anyone's help.

Not Jasper's, who is taking out my bag of clothes from the car's trunk, nor Rueben's, who is silently watching me, his hands gripping the wheel. Nor Ansel's, who is sitting beside me, his eyes pleading with me to trust him. How can I trust any of them when they refuse to give me the one thing that I so desperately need to be taken to an abortion clinic?

I wish the doctor would have discovered that I have cancer or some other incurable illness. Instead of that, he only found out that I have bronchitis after starting the treatment, I already feel much better, and I barely cough now-and that I'm pregnant.

The guys want the baby, I don't.

We didn't talk about it because I can't, but I can feel how happy they are even if they haven't expressed their emotions. The only thing I want to talk about is them acknowledging my...deep fear of continuing with this pregnancy.

Without saying a word, I get out of the car, and walk past Tyson, going directly to the cabin. Mose is sitting on the sofa, his hair all disheveled and a guilty expression on his face. He looks like he hasn't slept since the night in the ER. I guess that my panic attack from two days ago made him realize how much he hurt me.