Let Me Love You Again
Chapter 85

Maya

It was 4:00 in the afternoon, and after I picked up Axel from kindergarten, I stopped by Jess in the hospital to check on her. She and the kids were fine. Axel had done nothing but stare carefully at little Emma as if he was afraid that at any moment she would burst.

Jess and I laughed at that interaction between the two kids.

Luckily Jess was alone in the room and, when I came in, I found her on the bed, legs crossed, with leggings and a light T-shirt, while the children were lying in front of her, blissfully asleep with their fists clenched. I had placed Axel on the bed, who had immediately fallen asleep and had focused all his attention on Emma, watching her sleep peacefully.

I was with Jess for a couple of hours, which gave me a chance to be alone with her and the kids. I had picked up Liam who was the quietest of the two, while Emma did not let anyone near her except Jess without starting to cry desperately.

Jess was happy and radiant, so radiant that I would cry desperately for her, stupid hormones. I saw her so complete with the twins in her arms, so cheerful and radiant that my heart filled with joy.

When Andrew entered the room, I was up and I decided to leave because Jess would come home the next day and I already knew that Lucas would organize a party for her, a party for which I did not assume any responsibility.

At that moment I was in the house trying to change Axel after washing him, which was not very easy since he always and only got washed by Nate but that day we had no time, we would have to go to the appointment and Axel had almost made me white hair. Several times I had been on the verge of tears when he refused to be washed, as now that I tried to dress him and he refused categorically.

“Please Axel,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Axel say no, Mama!” he said.

I sighed with his pants in my hand, defeated. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was tired, hungry, and pissed off.

I collapsed to the ground as Axel came down from the bed and started running with only his diaper on.

I started crying and I couldn’t control the f*****g tears that started flowing.

My child didn’t listen to me at all and he was only one year old, I couldn’t get a child to respect me, I couldn’t get him to obey me, Axel listened only to Nate and not me, his mother. I got him out of my p***y, I suffered for 13 hours, and he only listened to Nate.

I threw his pants down and started crying. Why was I crying? Damn hormones!

“Daddy!” Axel yelled suddenly and I knew Nate was back but I didn’t move.

I was desperate.

“Hey, macho man,” Nate heard, “Where’s Mom?”

Axel didn’t answer, but I heard Nate walk around the apartment and then hear him walk into Axel’s room.

Nate sat down next to me on the ground and put his hand on my cheek, I saw that his legs were crossed and on his lap, there was Axel looking at me with his head bent to the side.

“Hey,” Nate softly said, “What’s going on?” he asked, worried.

I looked at him and, seeing his worried look, I began to sob desperately.

“He doesn’t listen to me,” I said in sobs, “I brought him into this world, I split myself in pain, and all he wants is his father and he won’t listen to me!” continued.

A hint of a smile appeared on Nate’s face, but I try to repress it.

“It’s not that bad,” Nate said.

“It’s bad! I can’t get a one-year-old to respect me as I will with two? How will I do when he’ll reach fifteen?!” I said hysterically.

Axel leaned towards me, “Mama no cry,” he said, putting a hand on my cheek, “Axel good,” continued as he surrounded my neck with his delicate arms.

“Why don’t you get dressed?” I asked, crying and holding him tightly to me.

“Axel no clothes,” said Axel confident.

Nate stood in front of me while he laughed quietly.

We held each other for an eternity until Nate cleared his throat, “I hate to interrupt a few moments, but let’s be really late,” he said as he put his phone back in his pocket.

I glanced at him, immediately feeling the anger “I hope for you that you didn’t make a video of me during my emotional breakdown” I said with clenched teeth.

“I would never, mon amour, I just took a few pictures of you two hugging each other, you were too beautiful,” he said shrugging.

I looked Axel straight in the eye, holding him standing in front of me, “Shall we dress?” I asked hopefully.

Axel grabbed my face with his little hands and gave me a loud k**s on the lips “No cry Mama” he said and I sighed taking Axel’s clothes again.

This time my child let himself be dressed calmly, giving me a k**s every now and then and almost making me cry, all under the watchful eyes of Nate who laughed calmly.

Once ready, Axel went to the wall mirror in the hallway and looked closely, looking for something out of place. I got up and I went to our room, and I found Axel carefully mirroring himself.

“God, he’s vain,” I said, shaking my head and going to my room to change.

I was exhausted and I didn’t even want to wear makeup, so I just put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I put my shoes on and then walked out of the room, finding Nate and Axel still in front of the mirror, this time Nate was kneeling in front of Axel and messing up his hair as he talked to him.

“With a more dishevelled look, women will fall at your feet,” he said quietly as Axel nodded, “You’re a playboy and you’re fabulous, it makes all the panties collapse,” he continued.

“Anty,” Axel said.

“And I am surprised that he is vain, how can he not be so if in the house there is the king of the vain!” I exclaimed

They both turned to me and frowned, “It’s not our fault we’re beautiful,” Nate said, taking Axel in his arms and nodding proudly.

I rolled my eyes and went into the room and then I grabbed my bag and opened the door followed by Nate on the doorstep and I froze, making a sound that immediately scared Nate.

“What’s going on?” he yelled anxiously.

I turned around and looked at him and trying to make my eyes sweeter than I could, “I’m hungry,” I said.

Nate rolled his eyes and moved to the side, letting me through. Immediately I rushed to the kitchen and opened the fridge, pulled out some cold cuts and took the bread and then made a sandwich quickly and left everything on the table.

“Maya” heard Nate scold me “we’re late”

I looked at the time, we were absolutely not late, we were an hour early, but the f*****g control freak never wanted to be late anywhere.

I rolled my eyes and started eating the sandwich on the way back to him and Axel’s. Nate raised his eyebrows as I passed by.

“Satisfied?” he asked.

“For now,” I replied as Nate closed the door behind me.

“Were you like that with Axel?” he asked, laughing.

“With Axel, all I did was throw up,” I said as I walked into the elevator.

Nate laughed again while I finished eating.

*****

We’d been in the gynaecologist’s office for 40 minutes, and it was getting hard to hold Axel down, and all he wanted to do was run from one end to the other and break whatever was coming at him.

Nate was looking at all the ads and photos all over the studio, worried, and I was seeing him pale, and I was thinking about ice cream to eat. Maybe I could convince Nate to stop and buy it.

“Mrs Dare?” asked a girl in a lab coat.

Nate immediately snapped to his feet as I tried to swallow the saliva that had accumulated in his mouth at the thought of ice cream.

“Axel,” said a stiff Nate and immediately Axel was next to him.

“Please,” said the girl, moving to the side and letting us pass “The doctor will be here soon”

Nate nodded as the girl handed me a gown, “You can take your clothes off and put this on,” he said and then disappeared.

I sighed and went behind a divider and then took off my clothes and put on my coat with nothing underneath.

I went back to Nate’s and I sat in the chair with the leg retractors while Nate chewed his nails and Axel tried to throw the pen holders on the ground.

The gynaecologist came in and said goodbye to us both.

“Mrs Dare,” she said as she wrote, “Have you had any miscarriages?”

“No”

“Any pathology in the family?”

“Not that I know of”

“Problems with a previous pregnancy?”

“Nop”

“Symptoms?”

“Vomiting, mood swings and hunger, a lot,” I replied.

“All right, all right”

“Last period of menstruation?”

“I’m not sure, maybe more than two months ago,” I said, scratching my head.

“Well, we can take a look and see how it goes,” the gynecologist said, getting up.

Nate sighed, trying to calm down, before getting up and standing behind me while I lay in the chair.