The Alpha's Exchanged Mate
The Alpha’s Exchanged Mate – Chapter 197

Edwina’s POV…

The gasp kept on consistently, and it made my chest ache badly. Becca rubbed at my back gently as I tried to control myself. Xander had left on his own and had told a driver to pick me up. I couldn’t go up to the room; I had to stay with Becca in hers. I tried to hold my cries back to prevent them from waking Star up. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hold it in as the tears kept coming. A maid had to come for Star to pet her.

“Don’t cry anymore, please. You would fall sick at this rate.” Becca consoled me.

“I didn’t mean to act like that, Becca. I would never intend to hurt him.” I sniffed. “I should have listened to Xander when he asked me to not let my father get to me. He did play on my intelligence.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s just a burst of emotions.”

My lips shook, “He looked so hurt, and he admitted to loving me.”

Everything around me spiralled out of control. Every word Xander said to me resonated loudly in my head. For the first time since we have been together and all of my arguments with him, his emotions were raw this time around. I could see it in every part of him. Xander isn’t the type to give himself away so easily. It must have been pent-up emotions.

I feel so guilty for being the reason for the hurt he was feeling at the moment. All he had done since we got together was protect me and respect all of my decisions. Thinking of it logically, it’s my selfish self that has refused to let go of Ben’s memories. If I must be truthful to myself, I cared so much about Xander and would actually hate to lose him.

My hands rubbed at my belly unconsciously. I was carrying our child, his baby. I feel like an ungrateful brat for not appreciating all of the goodness the moon goddess had blessed me with.

“Edwina!” Becca pulled me out of my long train of thought.

“Hmmn,” I responded, another trail of tears rolling down my cheeks.

I would really get sick at this point. My heart constricted at every deep breath I took.

“Can you just take a deep breath, please?” Becca said to me. “And for the sake of peace, Xander had nothing to do with Ben’s death. His initial plan was to keep Ben alive and bring him down to the night howlers pack.”

I nodded my head, trying to also calm myself down from within.

“I know how you feel, Edwina, maybe you haven’t thought of it yet, but you are so into Xander, much more than you expect. There is no way it would be just about you fulfilling your duty as the Luna. No woman submits herself totally to a man she doesn’t feel for. Not to the extent of wanting to carry his child, especially those moments you sit awake, waiting for him. You think you still love Ben, but you have begun loving Xander, and it’s becoming more prominent. Only your mind is too clouded to realize it. “

I blinked at Becca’s words; she was right. Every night I looked out for the presence of Xander; he always made me feel good about myself. Despite the thoughts of Ben filtering into my thoughts, it never stopped me from wanting Xander’s touch.

“I don’t know, Becca.” I sniffed. “I will never forgive myself if I hurt him.”

“You would hate yourself more if you don’t go to him and sort out this misunderstanding. You know how much hurt the alpha has had to endure, but he still opened his heart to you. You must be really special to him.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Becca assured me.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. “I would go check on him now. Thanks so much, Becca. I’m thankful for your presence in my life.” I pulled her into a hug.

Becca chuckled, “you are always welcome. Please, don’t cry yourself to death. I should go to Star now before the whole packhouse is brought to a halt by her cry. “

We both laughed lightly as we went our separate ways. I panicked as I got to the door. My heart beat so fast and loud I almost thought it would jump out of its cage.

Opening the door, I peeped in first to be sure of his movement in the room. But I found his back turned to the door. He was fast asleep. I tiptoed into the room, sitting on the next side of the bed facing him.

I sniffed, staring at his peaceful face. Despite the stress that hung around his face, he looked so handsome. I had never really gotten a close look at him this way.

“I am sorry, Xander. I promise it’s not what you think. I admit I have been holding on to the feeling for Ben, but it’s not like how you think. He was my husband and first love, there is no way I would have heard of his death and acted nonchalant. I have feelings too. But I promise, Xander, I would never do anything to hurt you. All you have ever done is care for me. I’m so sorry if I made you feel any type of way. I was just so overwhelmed by everything, Sonia’s death, Ben and then my father getting captured. It’s just too much for me. I don’t want to say this, but maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones. I am not even certain if I feel pregnant.” I chuckled nervously.

A hard gulp trailed down my throat as I stared at his sleeping face. He didn’t blink one bit. I had only been speaking to an unresponding person. It was quite intentional on my part, I feared looking him in the eye and exposing myself to him.

Xander deserves a true feeling of love. Probably, I also need to give myself a chance to be happy and not attach it to others. Sniffing really loud, I made a move to get off the bed. But his hand held me back.

“You haven’t had enough sleep. Come here.” He muttered with his eyes closed.

I didn’t bother to protest. My whole body was too exhausted. I lay next to him, placing my head on his outstretched hand as his strong arm wrapped around my waist.

“I’m sorry too.” He whispered, his breath hot on my ears as he snored away lightly.