Shackled (The Lord Series) by Carlos
327. Olivia - The visit I

Mose crawling in the bed wakes me up early in the morning. Moments later, his soft snores join Ansel and Jasper's. I try to go back to sleep, but I'm still worried about Tyson and Rueben.

After a quick shower, I put on one of the cute dresses Rueben got for me and the UGG boots from Tyson and style my hair in a Dutch braid. It's been a while since I dressed up for someone. I still remember all the effort I put into my looks when I was dating Tyson. Just thinking about him was enough to feel butterflies in my stomach.

I'm still not ready to let those two back into my life, at least not in the way I am with Ansel, Mose, and Jasper. My body still tenses up around them, especially when I'm alone with Rueben, but maybe if they court me...things can change. Just the idea of being with them scares me, but I need to learn to take risks. Things are not like they were six years ago.

All that happened in the past week, combined with last night, made me open my eyes. I'm slowly learning how to speak my mind. It's not always easy since I never had a voice of my own, but I'm trying to create my own narrative. Life is too short to have regrets, and I already have plenty of them.

Once I'm ready for the day, I start looking for Rueben and Tyson around the house and the farm, with Diva by my side because I'm not stupid enough to be on my own when I know Jason is not done with me. He hates me simply because I exist. I never understood why, but it doesn't matter anyway. The next time we see each other is the day he'll be held accountable for everything he did.

If I ever have another meltdown because I'm blamed for someone's death or something else that I have no control over, I will run to Tyson or any of the other guys instead of going back to Jason to get high.

Last night was about embracing the future, so falling back into old habits is out of the question. My past is horrible, but I no longer want to be haunted by it. I know I have a lot of healing to do, but the love and affection I'm receiving from the guys is so therapeutic. I still get triggered daily, and I often cry, but I no longer live in constant fear of being hurt by my men. They are slowly gaining my trust. If I'm not careful, they will also win my heart, and I'm not ready for that yet. When I look in the mirror nowadays, my eyes are not that haunted. I know it's still early, too soon, but I'm starting to feel happiness again. It's thrilling and scary at the same time. Getting things off my chest has helped me more than I thought. Even talking with Mose and Tyson about Spencer makes me feel less guilty. If only my body had been strong enough to carry him full term... I failed my baby. Camila also. Rueben might have stopped blaming me for killing her, but I'll never forgive myself for what happened.

Despite looking all over the farm, I don't find Tyson and Rueben anywhere.

Not wanting to go crazy with worry, I keep myself busy feeding the animals since Ansel, Jasper, and Mose are still sleeping. After I'm done, Diva and I go to the living room to wait for the guys. While I know they can take care of themselves, past experiences have taught me that loved ones are constantly ripped away from me.

I surf the TV, wanting to find something that will keep me interested for more than a few seconds. A scene from a movie pops up, and my eyes fill with tears. It's a mother and a father putting their child to bed, and it breaks my heart because I'll never get to experience that.

Tears fall down my cheeks, and I furiously wipe them away. I don't even know why I'm upset. It's not like I want to have more babies. Sure, there might be a possibility with IVF, but I won't do it. What if I enter into labor earlier, as it happened with Spencer, and I lose yet another child? If it happened a second time, I would really lose my mind. The only reason why it didn't happen when I lost my sweet little boy was because Carlos kept me drugged all the time.

Yet there are days when I dream of my baby and how life would have been if he hadn't died.

I snuggle with Diva. "You can be my baby. What do you say?" Diva tilts her head and gives me a strange look. "I think I'm being hormonal. Don't mind my stupid blabber."

A car's honk comes from the main gate; Diva barks.

I jump to my feet. "They are home."

I hum happily as I rush to greet them. Diva keeps barking. "You are more excited than I am." I open the front door, and Diva pushes past me before I even get to step on the porch. Her barks turn more aggressive, alerting me that it's not Rueben and Tyson. "Diva, get back here!" I shout after her. As Diva is Rueben's dog, she completely ignores me and runs to the main gate, where an expensive car I don't recognize is parked. I freeze on the spot because I don't know if it's my father or brother who came to take me back to Celestial Heaven or someone else who has nothing to do with me.

Ansel's voice comes from behind me. "Get inside!"

I do as ordered without any protest, as I'd rather be safe than sorry. Ansel leaves the house, closes the screen door, and quickly climbs down the porch's steps. I watch from inside, scared that whoever came is here for me. Ansel, Mose, and Jasper will keep me safe, but I hate that they are in danger because of me. I'll never truly be free until my father and brother are dead.

Diva keeps barking until a blond man steps out of the car. She turns from aggressive to friendly in a second, letting me know he is not an enemy. Diva goes to the man, who strokes her head.

Jasper and Mose enter the living room. "Who is it?" Jasper asks.

I shrug. "Probably a Lord. I think he was at the gathering last night."

Jasper comes to where I'm standing and glances outside. "It's Stefan. Don't you remember him?" I shake my head. "He and his blood-brothers were with us when we found you and Mose in the desert."

"Oh," I breathe. That day, I was running high on adrenaline until I saw Tyson and the others. The only thing I remember is how relieved I felt that Mose and I were safe and how scared I was, thinking I was going to be blamed for Mose's soul being consumed by his demon.

Jasper opens the screen door and goes on the porch. Mose and I do the same.

Ansel is close to the main gate. "Something happened?" He speaks loud enough for me to hear him.

Stefan walks up to Ansel, and they speak for several moments. I start to imagine all sorts of bad things happening to Tyson and Rueben until Stefan returns to his car, opens the front passenger door, and helps someone get out. It's a pregnant woman. I feel like the air has been knocked out of me. Memories of when I was pregnant with Spencer flood my mind, and I have to breathe through my mouth to calm myself. Stefan and the woman start walking toward the house, and the air leaves my lungs for the second time, but now for a different reason.