Let Me Love You Again
Chapter 70

Maya

I woke up to the sound of my cell phone vibrating on my bedside table and I realized I had a blanket on me. Axel slept happily beside me as he had never slept before.

The night before, I fell asleep exhausted from a cry that I didn’t even know what it was for.

Or rather yes. I felt empty. As if everything that had been the past few weeks was just huge bullshit.

Yet in my heart, I knew it was not so. I knew that Nate loved me, he showed me in every possible and unimaginable way, he adopted Axel, raised him, and would raise him as his own son. But if he loved me so much, why didn’t he tell me the truth?

Why didn’t you tell me your fears? I was f*****g terrified, too, that Brad might have some claim on Axel, and I would do anything to protect him from him, to keep him from even getting anywhere near us.

I would have supported his idea and done the same but I wanted to know!

I didn’t want to get f****d up and walk down the aisle like an i***t. I would have told him yes! I would always say yes to Nate! I would even f*****g give him full custody of Axel if it was necessary, because I trusted him! More than anyone in this f*****g world!

But it still seemed like it wasn’t the same for him. He’d rather lie to me, hide important things from me that weren’t just about me, but about our son. We were a family and there should be no secrets between us. Yet he had hidden one of the most important things.

And now I had to fix it. I should have talked to Brad. I should have confronted him and kicked his a*s. I didn’t care how much he changed, and how much he wanted to take responsibility for it. How long would it last? How much would the father have done before he got tired and decided he couldn’t do it?

I couldn’t jeopardize Axel’s welfare for his bullshit, and he had no right. He couldn’t claim it from the day he decided to leave me. From that day on, Axel wasn’t his son anymore.

He never was, ever.

Axel had a father, yes, and that father was just Nate. No one else.

I got up and went to the living room, hoping to find him, but the apartment was empty. He had folded the blankets and left them on the sofa.

I didn’t want to see him, but I missed him. I was terribly pissed at him, but I wanted him to get my attention and try to make it up to me.

I shook my head and went into the kitchen to make my coffee and then get ready for classes.

*****

I went to my parents’ house to pick up Axel. Nate texted me saying he wouldn’t make it in time to pick him up, so I asked him to keep him for a few more hours, and then I picked him up myself.

I admit I was in a bit of a hurry to get back to Nate, but I wanted him to tell me more. To talk more. I was crazy, right? Yes I was, and a lot. I was perfectly aware of it. But I was f*****g right! He had to row to earn my forgiveness.

He hurt me, because he didn’t trust me enough, and it hurt the most. The fact that he didn’t fully trust me.

Despite everything, as soon as I got home I had prepared dinner for him, even though he told me he was going to be late for work.

I waited for him.

I tried to wash Axel but he refused categorically. I hadn’t bathed him in months, and he just let Nate and Nate wash him, and that night he decided he wasn’t gonna wash until his Dada showed up.

He kept shaking his head and shouting “Dada!” so much that I gave up his bath.

We both waited on the couch while we watched television but time passed and at one point Axel fell asleep and I was forced to put him to bed.

Nate hadn’t come home yet, and it was ten o’clock. I sighed and went to bed. I knew the office was in total chaos. Jess was on maternity leave and they had to divide her cases among others who were already aberrant working.

I sighed and closed my eyes as soon as I put my head on the pillow.

*****

I jumped up and looked at the phone. It was 3 a.m.

I immediately got up and tiptoed into the room, thinking I’d find Nate lying on the couch, but to my surprise, he wasn’t there. Nate wasn’t on the couch. I went to Axel’s room and nothing again.

I looked at the phone and entered the chat with him and saw that the last access had been at nine o’clock in the evening.

Where the f**k was he?! Why didn’t he call me?!

I meant so little that he didn’t even tell me he wasn’t coming home?

Who was he with? Where was he sleeping?

I picked up the phone to call him, but I reconsidered. I was his wife or just his endorsement? Why didn’t he warn me?

You f*****g a*****e!

I went back to the bedroom and threw myself into the covers, pissed off at her disrespect.

*****

I had just left Axel with Nate’s mother when I got a message from yours truly.

I fell asleep last night when I was packing things.

All right.

Why didn’t you call me?

Because I’m pissed at you.

So you don’t mind if I don’t come home?

No.

Was I a b***h? Yes very much. Did he deserve it? Absolutely yes.

I’m mad at him. How dare he to disrespect me so much?