Let Me Love You Again
Chapter 36

Maya

I bit my l*p as Nate leaned towards me, like a predator, he put his hands on the sides of my head and leaned towards me, grabbing my lower l*p between my teeth. I g*****d as I surrounded his pelvis with my legs. His hard c**k rubbed against his stomach.

“Where are the condoms?” he asked as he licked my lower l*p.

I g*****d again, almost relaxed, “In your bag,” I said, rubbing against him almost purring.

“So far away,” he said as he sighed and passed his nose over my chin.

“Don’t think about it at all,” I warned.

“I didn’t say anything!” Nate stood up and looked at me innocently.

“I know how your mind works. Either with a condom or nothing,” I said seriously.

Nate shook his head and snorted before getting out of bed, made his way out of the room and a desperate cry burst from the other room. I sighed and I got up, taking a shirt of Nate’s and putting it on.

“Axel is cockblocking me” reflected Nate.

“It’s just feeding time,” I said as I put on a pair of shorts.

I went to my room, to find Axel in despair stretching his arms toward the sky. I picked him up and immediately my baby grabbed onto my shirt, looking for his food source. Despite having spent a week with powdered milk at my mother’s house, Axel hadn’t gotten used to the bottle at all and was still trying to attach himself to the breast, not that I was sorry. I didn’t want to separate from breastfeeding yet and I didn’t want to separate him from breastfeeding. I was selfish, I didn’t want to leave him.

I started rocking him and I lifted my shirt, Axel immediately attached himself to the tit as if he hadn’t eaten in days and I looked at him. Her bright blue eyes were cheerful and I smiled to see how voraciously he ate. With one hand he held on to the fabric of the shirt while the other remained dangling. As I cradled him, I went to the room where I found Nate with his computer writing furiously on his keyboard.

I sat on the couch, crossed my legs under me as I continued to nurse Axel.

“What else did my mother tell you?” he asked, looking out of the corner of his eye.

“No big deal. I think you should give your doorman a regatta, he went on a rampage,” I said calmly.

“I was also a victim of her fury, no gifts to me,” Nate said, complaining.

“Considering it’s your fault, I don’t think so,” I answered.

Axel, with a full stomach, took off from his breast and looked at me with his blue eyes. I took him and rocked him for a while. While he was laughing cheerfully.

“I didn’t do anything,” Nate replied calmly.

“I think that’s the main problem,” I answered as I leaned on my knees and leaned over Axel.

Nate resumed handling the computer cheerfully, it seemed as if he had not spent days with a high fever rambling. Which brings back to mind all the sweet words he said to me while he was under the influence of medication and fever.

I wanted to ask him if it was true or not, but I didn’t want to force him. I knew Nate was phobic about relationships. He didn’t last more than a few weeks, because he never wanted to feel connected to anyone, and as much as I wanted to confirm how he felt about me, I knew that when I pushed more, he would have run away. Terrified at the thought of it.

But now he was here, with me, he made a commitment to be with me and with my child. Maybe he had changed. Maybe I was getting too paranoid, maybe I should have asked him if it was true. Maybe I was afraid that it really was, I was afraid of those feelings that I knew were strong not only on my part but also on his part.

I had taken a big hit with Brad and from that moment on I had tiptoed towards every relationship, I was afraid of getting hurt as much as I had left with Brad.

Part of me was aware that it was an unfounded fear, that it was impossible never to suffer for love, the other part of me was terrified that someone could hurt me, and I knew that if things with Nate would not go right, I would be torn apart.

“You’re quiet,” Nate suddenly said.

I blinked several times, returning to reality. I noticed that my baby was watching me seriously and Nate had closed the computer and was watching me carefully.

I shook my head, and my hair ended up on my face, creating a canvas that tickled Axel’s face, and he started laughing cheerfully.

“I was just thinking,” I said.

“Stop thinking. It’s not good when you think too much,” Nate said as he approached me.

He laid a hand on the back of the sofa, holding himself, as he approached my face and rubbed his nose on my cheek. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, intoxicated by his mind-blowing scent that made every fiber of my body relax, driving away any negative thought that could ever pass through my head.

He left a gentle k**s on my cheek, giving me chills all over my body, while Axel squealed cheerfully and stretched his arms towards Nate’s neck, trying to get his attention.

Nate broke away from me and approached Axel’s face, who, cheerfully, put his hands in his hair. Nate picked him up as he sat back on the sofa.

I watched them silently, not being able to avoid the tornado of emotions that threatened to wipe me out. Nate played quietly with Axel, lifting him up and lowering him quickly as my baby laughed cheerfully and clung to Nate’s face.

These are my two men.

I thought as a smile surfaced on my lips.

The moment was interrupted by my phone that rang wildly. I stood up with a sigh and approached the bag I had left in the kitchen, leaving the two boys to have fun on the sofa. I picked up the phone, and when I saw Jess’s picture, reality threw itself at me like a bucket of cold water.

Jess. My best friend. My current boyfriend’s sister. The same one who told me over and over again to stay away from her brother. The same one that’s gonna kill me when he finds out that not only did I bang her brother behind her back, but I was probably falling in love with him.

Good.

“Jess” I answered in a whisper.

“May?” she said in a concerned tone of voice.

“Yes”

“What’s wrong with May?” he asked again.

I cleared my throat, “No Jess, I was busy with Axel,” I lied, not really. “To what do I owe this call?” I tried to change the subject to avoid the guilt that was beginning to be felt inside me, even if it was not right, I could not help but feel it.

I sat on the edge of the table and watched Nate and Axel play happily. Nate looked at me for a second when he heard his sister’s name, but then he just kept going.

“Can’t I call you?” Jess replied in an accusing tone.

“I thought you had better things to do than call your old and dear friend,” I answered, almost bitter.

“Why do I hear a strange tone, May? What are you hiding from me?” she immediately asked defensively.

Damn.

“Nothing’s just a little stressed,” I lied again.

My lies were piling up by now and I didn’t know how I was going to get out of it, certainly not well.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely sure,” I answered, looking at Nate.

Seeing him with Axel relaxed me and put me off the anxiety I had for Jess. If I had explained things to her as they were, she would not have been angry, she would have understood and she would have been happy for me. I was sure.

I had to be strong and honest with her. I had never lied to her so shamelessly as I had in the last few issues and I felt deeply guilty, but I couldn’t let her possible fury ruin what I wanted to build with Nate.

It was hypocritical of me to lie to her. Yes, I was a b***h to go behind her back, but I was terrified of losing her. After all those years when we hadn’t seen or heard from each other, having her back in my life was like a breath of fresh air. Jess was always an important part of my life. We grew up together, we shared everything, and I needed her as much as I needed Nate.

I didn’t want to choose between one and the other, and I didn’t want to keep lying to Jess. I decided that the moment she came back from her honeymoon, I would talk to her, I would tell her everything, I would try to be as honest as possible so that I could put everything behind me and start that new part of my life that was waiting for me.

“Tell me a bit about how things are going,” I said cheerfully, looking at Nate, who gave me a wide smile and went back to play with Axel.