A Human’s Guide to Surviving Magical Mishaps by Kit Bryan
Rule 106- If it feels like a trap, it probably is—bring snacks and proceed with caution.

Ashton's mum escorts me to a large bathroom. As we walk my knees are a little shaky and she hovers over me. Not touching me at all, but close enough to help should I REALLY need it. The bathroom is... Different. It has stone walls and a large skylight in the ceiling. There is a seat that looks like a toilet to one side of the room but I don't know how it works exactly because I don't see anything like a button or lever to flush it. The most impressive part of the room is the bathtub which has what looks like a large water fountain set up in it. My eyes are wide and I can barely believe it. Ashton's mum smiles at me, clearly enjoying my reaction.

"We do have indoor plumbing here of course, much like your human plumbing. But we often substitute magic for things like that because it's easier and faster to set up. There are plenty of fae who can cast charms to adjust the temperature of water or to clean it. The toilet also has constantly running water so you don't have to actively empty it." As she speaks, the queen walks around showing me various charms that can affect the water temperature and quality. Most of them just require me to touch them to activate them. It's like a fancy button powered bathtub with a fountain to rinse my hair under. Honestly it's gorgeous and I can't wait to try it.

Ashton's mum insists on staying while I take my bath. Apparently she is under strict directions from Ashton (and whoever their doctor, healer person is) not to leave me unattended today. Particularly in a large bath where I could potentially pass out and drown. It's awkward but I do understand their reasoning. She sits on a bench to the side of the room and casually stares at the ceiling giving me the pretence of privacy while I strip and carefully climb into the giant bath. The water is hot and perfect, it feels great on my tired muscles. I'm just starting to relax when Ashton's mum starts talking again.

"So, my son tells me that the two of you have spent a lot of time together. He was very worried about you. And I've never seen him so... Affectionate." Her tone is casual but I seriously doubt the comment is as careless as she's making it sound. I draw in a sharp breath and nearly choke. I tense up. I can't tell if she is upset by the attention he's been giving me or if she's okay with it. I'd like to know her opinion. At least if I KNOW she hates me I can behave accordingly. What is this? Usually I'm so good at talking to people, but bring actual feelings into the mix and suddenly I'm as eloquent as a parrot, incapable of doing much more than reciting back the same three lines that someone has fed to me. "I am... That is... Was there a question there somewhere?" I ask hopelessly. The queen laughs.

"Relax darling. I'm not saying I disapprove. Mostly I'm just curious. I know my son and I know when he is behaving unusually. I want to know more about the girl who has him acting so strangely. Tell me about yourself." She requests. I instantly forget literally every possible interesting thing about myself. I might as well be an NPC in a video game.

"Uh... What did you want to know?" I silently plead with her to ask a question I can actually answer, or to just drop the topic entirely.

"Tell me about your family. What do you like to do for fun? What do you think of the fae, or more importantly, what do you think of my son?" She prompts. I contemplate drowning myself in the bathtub. That might be preferable to this. Did she have to wait until I was naked to start this interrogation? I am feeling very exposed right now. My face is probably bright red, and not from the water. Still, it's not like she's asking anything particularly unreasonable. "Well... I do not have any siblings. My mother passed away several years ago. It has just been my father and I since then. He works a lot and is rarely home, but I know that he loves me so I do not mind it too much. I have a few good friends who keep me company. My best friend Lucy is basically my sister." I pause to consider her next question. She wanted to know what I do for fun.

"I enjoy reading. I also like to go out dancing with my friends and for meals. I watch..." I get stuck on the word for television. The fae don't have one. I end up just using the English word.

"I watch television and sometimes I play games. I spend a lot of time at work. That is not exactly fun, but I am good at it, at least I believe that I am..." I trail off, not quite sure how much information she wants from me.

"As for the fae, I have no issue with you. You are all people just like everyone else. I have met the worst of you already, and I believe I have met the best of you too. That would be Ashton. Fin and Pan too actually." I add. There, hopefully that's enough of an answer for her.

"I'm glad to hear that you think well of my son. I do wonder if you just think of him as a friend, or perhaps something more?" She hints and I want to duck my head under the water again. I stay silent and she continues speaking. "Ashton tells me that you saved his life from the female fae. That you refused to leave him to fend for himself many times even thought it meant risking your own safety. That you stayed with him when he was drained from his magic and that you spent most of your free time with him, even when he didn't need your assistance. Is this all true?" She pushes. I tug at a strand of my hair, completely embarrassed. "Yes." I mutter quietly.

"Ah, so would I be correct if I were to assume that you hold some special feelings for him?" She continues.

"I... Yes." I practically whisper the words. Why is she so determined to get an answer from me? Doesn't she know that a relationship between the two of us is hopeless anyway? I mean, he lives in the fae realm where I... Am currently... And apparently can travel to (with help at least). Huh. Maybe it isn't so hopeless after all. My heart is racing as I come to that realisation, but I refuse to let myself get too excited. Ashton hasn't said anything about wanting to pursue an actual relationship with me, and there would be a lot of issues to sort out if we DID decide to try and make it work.

"Do you love him?" Ashton's mother asks bluntly.

"I... I barely know him." I answer awkwardly. She laughs.

"That doesn't mean you don't love him dear." She responds with a smirk that I think I'll be blushing about for years to come.

Not too long later, I decide it's time to get out of the bathtub before I start to fall asleep. Ashton's mum waits for me to be out and gives me a soft strip of cloth that apparently is their version of a towel. I wrap myself in it and stand in front of her awkwardly.

"I arranged some clothes for you. They are... Different to the human clothing you arrived here in, but they should fit. I'll leave you be for a moment so you can dress and use the facilities. I'll be just outside if you need me." She gives me a smile then slips from the room. I move to look at the pile of fabric she left behind. I'm a little concerned given what I've seen of fae clothing so far. I'm not sure I could pull off an outfit like that. I'm reaching for the blue fabric (apparently Ashton's mum is matching my clothes to my hair which I appreciate) when a sudden movement has me stumbling back. Something lands on the pile of clothes and all I can think is what the hell is that?